I Will Be The Death Of You
by SheWhoWaits
Summary: Oneshot. The Doctor and Clara in the TARDIS after Trenzalore. He will run and he will remember because he knows when its too little too late. He knew he'd be the death of her, he always is. A mention of possible 11/Clara and reference to 11/River.


**_Heres one I wrote after watching the name of the Doctor. _**

**_Kinda like a 'what happened after trenzalore' sorta thing. I have nothing against Clara what so ever, I think shes brilliant. But this just came into my head and I couldn't help but write it. _**

**_Please Review!_**

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Stepping back into the regular sized, current time Tardis the Doctor would have colapsed in, his body exhaused and cripped from the pain and jumping into his own time stream however he was still carrying Clara in his arms. Oh how happy he was to have her in his arms, his impossible girl didn't die this time. Not this time. He looked down at her and smiled, planting a kiss on her forehead. By the time he got to the console, eager to get off Trenzalore he didn't have to touch anything, the TARDIS knew he needed to leave and set herself a destintaion and took off.

_"thankyou old girl" _he thought, knowing she would hear.

He was physicaly unable to walk further from the console and so he layed Clara down on the cold glass floor. So gently that he thought he might break her.

_"If this is the pain and agony the time stream caused me, god knows what its done to her… all those memories that she has now, being broken into so many pieces…" _He reseted back against one of the pillars that supported the hand rail with Clara's head in his lap.

He thought about River. He had known she was there the whole time and it had been killing him to hear her and not to talk, but it hurt him just as much to talk to her again. He didn't want to have to say goodbye, not to her not again but he did. He did as she had asked and said goodbye like he was coming back even though he never was but if it meant River knew he loved her like he loved no other, he could live with it. And their kiss, their last kiss, he had never felt so dominant, so protective and needed to posess her just that once last time. He ran over in his head how he had caught her wrist as she slapped him, how he longed just to pull her close and never let her go but instead he did one better. He reached up and touched her beautiufl tanned skin, tips of his fingers lightly touching her curly hair and he crashed his lips into hers, feeling her kiss, her lips just that one last time before he knew he had to say goodbye.

Tears began to fall as he felt an emptyness in his heart start to appear, like River had just dissapered from his heart leaving a massive black hole behind filled with hate and anger. Who or what for he didn't know but it was there and he knew if he didn't stop thinking about it, it would consume him.

His attention from River was torn away by Clara moving in his lap. He heard her sigh and looked down at her face, the colour returning quickly.

"_ah Clara, my Clara. Youre okay, thank god your okay…" _he thought to himself, smiling at her. And that's when he felt it, that feeling that he knew he didn't _want_ to feel. It was how he felt about River in the beginning, how he felt about Rose… how he could have felt about Amy and now he realised that Clara had begun to fill the black hole in his heart it had been there longer than he thought.

_"I'm starting to feel things for you more than just-" And_ then she slapped him. Returning the Doctor back to himself. She had that look, like hidden disappointment; he pretended not to see it.

_"Do you think I'm pretty?"_ she had asked him.

"**_Yes… of course you are, you're beautiful, perfect, impossible but perfect, an enigma in a very tight skirt…"_**is what he should have said, because that's what he thought, because the cyber man in his head had only been feeding off his feelings and thoughts. But instead he said no, that she was too short along with a few other things. He felt like such an idiot, how could he have not fallen for the impossible girl, the pretty impossible girl who had saved him at every point in his life. She had died a thousand times just so he could live and now that she had been in his time stream she would remember every death and every ounce of pain. He'd make that up to her. He promised himself that he would, by never making her hide her disappointment that he didn't feel the way he knew she did. Because he'd tell her, as soon as she wakes up he'd tell her that she didn't have to be disappointed anymore. After River he now realized that he's going to loose everyone in the end and if he is then he might as well loose them after their life time with him ends rather than leaving them and ruining their lives as well.

No sooner had he thought this, Clara's eyes flickered. He gently brushed her hair away from her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Talking gently to her.

"Clara, Clara wake up. Its okay, I've got you we're safe now, you're safe." She opened her eyes and looked up at him, smiling. He smiled back at her and tried to make her understand without saying anything.

_"Such beautiful eyes, so old like mine, she's seen hundreds of years without really living them… so beautiful" _ he thought to himself, smiling even more.

"Doctor… I remember everything… its all so confusing, so many lives.. so many deaths… so much impossibility I don't understand!" her face screwed up like she was in pain and her smile faded. She bit her lip like she was did when she was concentrating. Like she was trying to understand all the new information she had spinning around in her head. The Doctors smile dropped and he began feeling her face, she was getting hot and restless and he didn't know why.

"Doctor its so confusing… it hurts so much I can feel it.. all the times I've died why can I feel it?" she said, sounding panicked and now the Doctor was panicking. He didn't understand, she should be fine this shouldn't be happening.

_"This shouldn't happen, at least I hope its not what I think it is."_

Her eyes went wide and she screamed, grapping the Doctors coat by the fist full and begging him to make the pain stop, to make the burning stop.

"NO! no no no no no! not this time! Please not this time! No this cant happen!" he said, laying her down gently on the floor somehow finding the strength to get up and use the TARDIS scanner to make sure of what he was seeing. He screen showed him exactly what he didn't want to see and he slammed his fists down on the console and was suddenly brought back to reality by Clara screaming again.

"I'm burning…Doctor I'm burning and I cant make it stop…" She cried, laying on the floor, her body writhing from the pain that he could not feel. Her fists clenched around nothing, her back arched off the floor as she screamed. "Doctor please… everything's burning and I don't know where I am!" her eyes were wide with fear and pain, he swore he could see the fire in her eyes as tears slid down her cheeks as she fell silent, her mouth screaming but without any sound and her eyes closed slowly and her body began to fall limp.

"Run you clever boy… and remember…" she choked, so quietly as the words died on her lips into nothing.

"NO! Clara no! Don't you dare Clara Oswald because I have something to tell you! Something so DAMN important that you cant!"

Her face relaxed into a gentle smile before calming and becoming emotionless, her fists unclenched and before he arched back could hit the floor he had grabbed her in his arms.

"Clara Oswald I _love _ you! Clara please.. I said it please… don't go… Im not ready for you to go." His voice dropped into a whisper, a sad lonely whisper that echoed around the TARDIS. He held her close to his chest, his hands tangled in her beautiful brunette hair. His tears fell onto her delicate pale skin, it looked paler to him now she was gone. He brought his face to hers, burying himself in her.

"Clara, MY Clara, my impossible girl… you were so… so magnificent. And I loved you for it."

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**_There you go! I know such a sad ending and I wouldn't ever want Clara to die but I thought that it would be such a dramatic ending and the idea came into my head._**

**_Please Review!_**


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